An excerpt from the Downtownton Diaries....
Reginald Downtownton writes:
Late 1949
I must admit, I have grown quite fond of Cousin Stanley these past few years. His eccentricities and theatrical whims make for an interesting business partner, but he has been most kind to us and is Agnes' favorite of her Rose Lake Uncles (no one tell Fishington!)
He regularly takes the ladies out on the lake and regales them with showtunes, I myself have joined them on occasion and I must say they are the most enjoyable voyages!
So, what to do to show the man my gratitude for his kindness and hospitality?
I noticed his prized motorcar had been in the garage for a while and asked why it was no longer on the road. "The fluffer has sprocketed the kerjigger" he replied, so one can only assume he knows nothing of mechanical engineering... but an idea was born!
Downtownton Estate has survived this ghastly war unscathed and so I asked Jeeves to go to the garages and retrieve a vehicle to send to us post haste, after all, we had so many I couldn't see mother missing one. He found a rather marvelous Rolls and organized for it to be packaged in a crate and sent to us in Peepsburgh.
After a few words (and a handful of this country's unfathomable currency!) I was able to convince the local lumber company to accept this rather large shipment at their Port Parlusiana docks where I would meet it to drive up the hill and through the Rosebud Tunnel to the park. Why this country can't drive on the correct side of the road is beyond me and it made for an interesting journey back to the park but thankfully myself and the Rolls arrived unscathed.
I parked in the Bruin circle and sent for the Major General. On arrival his eyes lit up, "What a fine automobile you have there Reggie!" he exclaimed "What a fine automobile YOU have there!" I replied. I have never before been kissed by a man, I can only assume it is a local custom or another of his eccentric habits, but I am assured by Marvel this means he liked the gift. I barely had time to ask before he had grabbed an usher from the Bruin and instructed them to chauffeur him around the local area to show off his new motorcar. As they drove away, I noticed him roll down the window, waving to all and sundry.
What a delightfully strange man I thought to myself, but one I couldn't imagine being without.
I shortly returned home after a quick inspection of the bakery. Sarah was in the parlor finishing up some embroidery work while Nanny was getting Agnus settled in for the evening. "How did your special delivery go, dearest? Sarah peered over her glasses. "Excellent my love, Cousin Stanley was quite elated at our gift. I peeked at her needlework. "What is that your making? Pardon my asking, but it looks rather odd" It was a silhouette crafted in black thread much like a photograph. The visage was quite unmistakable. "Is that Professor Marvel's head?" I was a bit taken aback." Youve a good eye, Reginald. It's a small gift for all his continues kindnesses." She snipped a small thread with her dainty scissors. "But what is it? A handkerchief? A napkin? A doily? An ascot cravat? I was a bit confused. She giggled, "No silly its head scarf. These cold Plancovanian nights are brutal. You wear it under your hat to keep your head warm. You have a head full of hair to accomplish that task. Poor Julius, well not so much." One couldn't argue with feminine logic.
A rather loud car horn blast interrupted our conversation. I recognized it immediately and glanced out the parlor window. "Come outside with me. The Major has arrived". I grabbed my wife's hand and led her to the porch. Stan was parked at the curb, well to be correct, over the curb, a bit on the lawn. Nothing the gardeners couldn't fix. They had before. Unfortunately for the motoring populace of the town, he was behind the driver's wheel. He flashed that smile of his, "Once I got used to the steering being on the right side, I stopped veering into oncoming traffic. It was right thrilling it was. Though I am not familiar with this new hand signal all the drivers are using. What exactly does a raised middle finger mean?" I shook my head and said, "Cousin, where is your driver? You left the Bruin with one." " Oh, he isn't my driver. I just borrowed him. All of my previous chauffeurs had been drafted into the army for service. Well, at least the ones that had a license. Once I had keenly observed the mechanical and handling of this magnificent machine, I switched seats with the fellow. We were only going the speed limit, so it wasn't difficult at all. He protested a bit, but I assured him I was certainly capable of driving. I was a bit surprised when he jumped out and abandoned me there in the middle of Rose Lake Blvd, I certainly would have stopped or a least slowed a bit, but he seemed insistent to get out." Stan was very matter of fact about it all.
I would ring the Bruin later to check if the fellow had returned in one piece. He had with only a few minor scratches and a missing suit button. Bully for him.
"Hop into my carriage, cousins. Let's take this beauty for a jaunt around the block." He patted the side of the Rolls Royce like it was a thoroughbred horse.
Sarah piped up," Oh thank you ever so, cousin but we were just sitting down to tea. Would you care to join us?" She was a clever girl, that one.
Maybe some other time Sarah, I am rather enjoying my new motorcar. I wonder if Jason cares for a spin?" Stan then proceeded to execute a U-turn across the corner of the lawn." "So sorry, cousins. Send an invoice for that, if you will" Waving goodbye as he headed straight for Rochelle House. Of course, it was across two lanes of traffic, the trolley tracks, and narrowly avoiding the midtown express. Sarah leaned in, "It's time for tea and I will have Grimsby alert the proper authorities than the Major is at large in a new motorcar. It's not like anyone else in town has a Rolls Royce. He will not be hard to miss." I pondered, "One can only hope he will run out of gas before the Stateline." Sarah scoffed, "When has that ever stopped him?"
Toche Madam, Toche.
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