"My Glorious Life" The Dirty 30's
I was sitting at my little writing desk paying bills and correspondences. Scribbling away in my horrible cursive, the breeze softly wafted outside of Savoy Terrace, the dressing room house I had built behind the theater. I was not a adept as Jason, who's handwriting was an art form itself. He snuck up behind me not wanting to disturb my train of thought, I had a terrible habit of being distracted quite easily." We should probably start getting ready for tonight, you know how long it takes you" I harrumphed, "Achieving perfection can never be rushed, unless of course, its costing ME money. Nothing for me to do, but sign my autograph several hundred times. Have you finished your end of the preparations? It seems I am just here paying for them all" I picked up an invoice, "Why are we paying this much for beef? Good Heavens, what does it take to shoot a cow? Chicken would have been sufficient."
Jason looked at me astonished, "Well, Excuse me, Mr Major General Stanley Wolf, it is not I who wanted the best cuts of beef for his guests. I am sure Ponty would have sacrificed a few Water Buffalo from the Zoo instead".
"Heavens, do not let him hear you say THAT, a few peacocks went missing after last Spring's new chapeau line. Well, I just will not say what I think happened to those poor birds" I was only slightly truthful. I know damn well where they went. "Marvel this chicken tastes off. You best speak to the Chef. We cannot have this kind of thing at the Grand Aubergine." Ponty waved his hand, "I never said it was chicken, I said it was fowl". My eyes widened, "It certainly is FOWL, Marvel ,what have you done?"
Jason, smirked." We all know what happened ,why are you fussing over feathers. Now put all that way and wash up. I do not care to be late, no need for a grand entrance."
"Oh , and why not?" I only pretended to be miffed for having been called out on such antics I was well know for. "Stuff and Nonsense, I shall get in the tub now." So I tossed off my dressing gown and stepped into the bath, the water already drawn.. "Scrub my back for me?" Subtlety was not my forte.
Jason shook his head, trying not to laugh. "Your back and nothing more. Mind your manners, I can always find another place for this soap."
"My Dear Mr Fishington, Do not threaten me with a good time"
This passage was lifted from Doc Fishington's account of that night.
We pulled up to the Bruin in the Stutz Bearcat, a bit late, no fault of my own. I blame the soap. I disliked driving the contraption, it was showing its age. The Duesenberg was in the shop, Ponty had driven over a peacock. He had said, "It was an accident." I hardly think so Julius Pierpont, I hardly think so.
Stan just sat there fidgeting. "Do not think for a moment I am opening that door for you. I am NOT your chauffer, your valet or one of your many fans". I caught myself, but Stan snapped back." What in Heavens name? Are you Mad? I was not waiting for you, that is the cause of my trepidation." he pointed across the forecourt of the Bruin. A lone figure leaned on the wall smoking. They approached the car slowly. "In Zeus name , is that ? " I paused.
"I believe it is, Doctor Fishington" Bart Tete De Tareau was leaning against the fender of the Bearcat. "I see MY car still is in great shape for the age of its owner." Stan through open the door almost knocking Bart to the pavement. "You could of killed me Major, foul play indeed". He chortled.
"YOU Get your filthy hands off MY car and step out of my way. The Doctor and I have things to attend to and you Sir, are not one of them." I jumped out of the car and got to Bart first. For I knew if he threw a punch, Stan with out his spectacles, was down and out.
"Step away, De Tareau, Your services are not wanted or needed here anymore" I prepared myself for fisticuffs, if the need would arise. I feared it could be shortly.
"I see you two are still as close as ever, special friends, as it were. Pity if your new investors ever found out. What a shame that would be for Rose Lake, think of the disgrace." Bart puffed on his cigar.
I clenched my teeth and Stan bristled and huffed. "Our relationship in none of YOUR damn business, Bart. What is it you want at so late an hour. Hurry along as I have not the time nor the patience for parlor games."
"All I want is what is due to me" Bart blew his cigar smoke into our faces. Stan coughed violently as he was allergic to smoke at close range, a fact well know to Bart.
"Why you loathsome...." It boiled my blood and I drew back to strike him down.
"Well, Hello all, my goodness, Bart Titty Tarry Toe, what a pleasant surprise." Ponty arrived out of thin air, in a huge feathered headdress, looking bizarre and spectacular all at the same time.
"Marvel, gay as always aren't you" Bart sneered.
"Why yes, I am quite happy at the moment. Major Wolf and Doc Fishington everyone is waiting for you inside. Go ahead in , Ill park the Bearcat out back. Bart it was lovely to see you. We thought you were incarcerated or on the lamb from the law, you know ,that thing you do so well. Truthfully, I thought you were deceased, the others not so much, but then, you were always dead to me"
Bart reached into his coat ,but Ponty grabbed his arm." Whatever that is you are about to share with us ,I would think twice" from under his hat he pulled a small pistol. "I only need one shot. It should be no surprise to anyone I can pick off a peacock with this, a Stool Pidgeon though, would be a first."
"What do you mean by Stool Pidgeon" Bart was on the defensive now.
"People talk, I listen. Oh look, here they are .The proper authorities are here to take you in. FBI ? I thought so, Welcome to Rose Lake .There is quite the reward, I believe. What will I do with the monies? Hmmm ,I AM to be an Uncle of sorts, maybe the child will need a new stuffed teddy bear ,a giraffe or a clown?" And with that they handcuffed Bart and led him away....
"What in Zeus's named just happened here?" I was baffled. Stan let out a sigh of relief, "Julius Pierpont Marvel ,did you just save our lives?"
Ponty laughed , "Oh god ,NO. Those G men had my back and my front and my... "Ponty ! Again what was happening...and just like that he was off in a flurry of feathers...
I turned to Stan, still unbelieving the events of the past few minutes.
He mustered a smile , "You Sir, were also very brave tonight .I am deeply touched by your regard for me, Jay. Always have been for a long, long time."
"How can you be so calm ,Stan?"
He held up his hand.
"Oh good Heavens , I am quite besides myself, but that would not be a favorable recall of situation now, would it?"
"But how, What? Bart ? Ponty ? The FBI?I was hopelessly confused at this point."
"There's a story to all of this " Stan began, but its merely corroborative detail, intended to give artistic verisimilitude to an otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative."
"STANLEY WOLF DID YOU JUST QUOTE THE MIKADO TO ME?"
So it seems New Years Eve would prove to be even memorable....
"Darling you will be late. The "Uncles" will be expecting you, Go along now , I will be perfectly fine". Sarah Leigh was propped up in bed at the Admiral Suite at the Grand Cocotier. "Look there ,I will be able to see the New Years fireworks over the lake from here." Reginald fussed, "I am conflicted about leaving you alone tonight, when things are very close to happening. What if you need a proper doctor?" Sarah sighed, "The staff is on high alert. I just need to ring and the Midwife will appear and the hotel has a staff doctor. Well, I could go to Peepsburgh and have our child at Major General Hospital." Reginald sneered, " I will not have our child be born in an American hospital, for heavens sake. A midwife has delivered all the Downtownton's for generations . Our child will be no exception. And why does that questionable English man have a Medical Facility named after him? That Fishington cave explorer fellow is a Doctor of the ARTS, not a medical professional. Also, I am not not sure what that Marvel is a Professor of. Millinery? Is there such a thing. I have serious questions, my dear serious questions" Reginald grabbed his coat and hat." I will make an appearance nothing more, these fellows are far too friendly for my likening." He kissed her check and blustered out. " You can come out now" Sarah whispered. "Oh thank, Hatters he is gone" JP appeared out of the closet. "I have not been in one of those for years.. Are you ready to go to Major General Hospital in Peepsburgh?"
Sarah sighed, "Yes, I think it s near time"
"Reggie will be very angry with you", JP pulled Sarah's suitcase from under the bed.
Pish- Tush, Not as angry as I will be if I don not get this baby out of me toot-sweet. Julius , being a woman is not for the faint of heart". Sarah rolled herself out of bed.
JP helped he with her wrap. "So I have heard, my dear ,so I have heard"
Fishingtons account continued.....
"Major General Wolf , Doctor Fishington, greetings on this wonderful New Years Eve Celebration. Wish I could say the same for Europe." Reginald was quite disturbed by the onset of war. "Yes, its quite disturbing to say the least. If there is any way we can assist you and your family , please do not hesitate to ask." The Major shook his hand firmly. I did the same ,Downtownton was not an ally we could afford to lose. We retired to one of the balconies of the Bruin and ordered refreshments. Per usual , The Major wandered of to entertain the guests with Song and Story and I was stuck to entertain a very grumpy Englishman. I should say ANOTHER grumpy Englishman, as the Major could be a handful at any given moment...Sir Reginald seemed distracted, but It was not my place to ask. The impending birth of his heir I am sure was weighing heavy on his mind. "Sir Reginald , I hope your stay so far has been comfortable. We here at Rose Lake appreciate you contributions so far. Your engineering designs are flawless and I do hope you hope you will continue to bless us with your fine work". He gave me a Non-committal nod and quietly sipped his beverage. I found out later , British folks are most uncomfortable with complements ,so my conversation was backfiring, at best.
Out of the corner of my eye ,I see Stan waving frantically in our direction. Dear Zeus ,what now? I excuse myself and met Stan downstairs. "What is with all the frantic waving of hands? More than usual ,I mean." This is not a parade, Stanley Wolf ,what is going on?" Stan gave me the stink-eye, "Oh are we not the humorous one tonight, best to grab Sir Reginald and head over to Peepsburgh and Major General Hospital. Seems his dear wife is having a baby"
"NOW" Of all the times....
" Hmmm, well... yes, possibly, I know nothing of birthing babies? Now be a dear and go fetch Sir Reginald ,without too much fuss, of course. Meet me out back, I'll have the Bearcat waiting." Stan turned abruptly to leave.
"Stanley Wolf, YOU are not driving without your spectacles."
"Oh, dash it all then, you drive, I will navigate. I know all the shortcuts."
"I do not need to be told where to go."
" I will bloody hell tell you where to go"
"Stanley Wolf , you give me grey hair."
"Better grey hair than no hair, I always say" He turned and disappeared into the crowd ...
Happy New Year! The crowd shouted to us as we made our way to the Bearcat. "Wolf blast it all, where is your chauffeur?" Reginald was shocked to see the Major behind the wheel. "It's his night off, hop in everyone." I began to object, but Stan was having none of it. "Oh, just ride shotgun. You can yell if we are close to hitting anything important." We took off in a cloud of dust. Stan missed most things and I only had to grab the wheel once, alright maybe twice that night. Poor Reginald looked absolutely frightened, but that was the usual reaction from any of Stan's passengers.
"Where in the blazes are you taking me? Sarah is at the Hotel. I demand an answer!" He banged his fist on the seat.
"To Major General Hospital in Peepsburg" Stan shouted over his shoulder , trying to avoid a jackalope in the road. There was a bump.
" I do not think you missed ,it Stan" I shouted.
"Well, here's a howdy do..."
Another bump, "Did you just quote Mikado, AGAIN!" Reginald grabbed my shoulder and shouted," Why does he have a hospital named after him? How much money does he have?"
"Its only a wing and its along story involving a chorus of nurses...Dear Zues, Hang on Sir Reginald this can be a tight turn at slow speeds." I braced myself.
"BLODDY HELL , WOLF. Who taught you to drive? I cannot believe this country gave YOU a license!" Reginald grabbed the sides of the car, hanging on for dear life.
"Oh no, my good man". Stan began, "They took that away years ago. Hang on we're almost there. Quick question, Jason. Are you still required to stop at a red light or is it only a suggestion?"
SHE arrived at 2:00am Plancovania Central Time. "Agnes Rose Downtownton meet your father and of course, your uncles. " We stood around Sarah beaming. "My dear", Reginald began," You named our daughter after and Amusement Park?" He seemed overwhelmed at best, with all of this. "SHE could have named her after the song" JP piped up and sang under his breath, "Waltzing Mathilda, Waltzing Mathilda, you'll go a waltzing Matilda with me. And she sat as he sang, and he touched her with his billabong..."I elbowed him to stop that nonsense. Stan put in his oar, "Julius, that is not the lyrics to the song. I once did a show in Brisbane..."Dear Zeus, these two... Sir Reginald seemed nonplussed. "Marvel" he said calmly. "We Downtowntons are not and never been Australian. Heaven bless me she is a beautiful child."
"She favors her mother, I dare say" Stan fussed with his mustache nervously.
"A worthy heir to the Downtownton name." I added
"She looks Australian to me" This time I kicked Julius in the ankle.
"Owww..Well, come on gentlemen I think its time to leave the new mother and her child to rest. A celebratory drink and cigars are required post haste. I have some fine whiskey hidden in the Saloon for such an occasion." Julius grabbed my arm.
"Its an Ice Cream Shoppe now" I reminded him.
"You say poTATEo, I say PoTAtoe" JP rolled his eyes
"Wait a bit. Is that Moonshine Still actually working?" I couldnt be could it?
"I had no idea, I knew nothing about it. I wasn't there" Stan wandered off noncommittal.
"Stanley Wolf, Stop quoting the Mikado"
"Major General Hospital"... [facepalm]
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