An excerpt from the Downtownton Diaries....

Reginald Downtownton writes:

Late 1949

I must admit, I have grown quite fond of Cousin Stanley these past few years. His eccentricities and theatrical whims make for an interesting business partner, but he has been most kind to us and is Agnes' favorite of her Rose Lake Uncles (no one tell Fishington!)

He regularly takes the ladies out on the lake and regales them with showtunes, I myself have joined them on occasion and I must say they are the most enjoyable voyages!

So what to do to show the man my gratitude for his kindness and hospitality?

I noticed his prized motorcar had been in the garage for a while and asked why it was no longer on the road. "The fluffer has sprocketed the kerjigger" he replied, so one can only assume he knows nothing of mechanical engineering... but an idea was born! 

Downtownton Estate has survived this ghastly war unscathed and so I asked Jeeves to go to the garages and retrieve a vehicle to send to us post haste, after all, we had so many I couldn't see mother missing one. He found a rather marvelous Rolls and organized for it to be packaged in a crate and sent to us in Peepsburgh. 

After a few words (and a handful of this country's unfathomable currency!) I was able to convince the local lumber company to accept this rather large shipment at their Port Parlusiana docks where I would meet it to drive up the hill and through the Rosebud Tunnel to the park. Why this country can't drive on the correct side of the road is beyond me and it made for an interesting journey back to the park but thankfully myself and the Rolls arrived unscathed.

I parked in the Bruin circle and sent for the Major General. On arrival his eyes lit up "what a fine automobile you have there Reggie!" he exclaimed "what a fine automobile YOU have there!" I replied. I have never before been kissed by a man, I can only assume it is a local custom or another of his eccentric habits, but I am assured by Marvel this means he liked the gift. I barely had time to ask before he had grabbed an usher from the Bruin and instructed them to chauffeur him around the local area to show off his new motorcar. As they drove away, I noticed him roll down the window, waving to all and sundry. 

What a delightfully strange man I thought to myself, but one I couldn't imagine being without.

Sir Reginald's Journal Part 2 or Up the Family Tree

 An excerpt from Sir Reggie's Journal, or what became the Downtownton Diaries. When they later wanted to write memoirs. 

Late 1944. War has been raging in Europe. So, the Downtownton's are marooned in America.  Transatlantic travel has become too dangerous. Monies have begun to get tied up at home and Father is scrambling to keep our Family empire afloat. With the war effort mounting, he has no time to invest in his wandering son's financial state. But who comes to the rescue? Major General Stanley Wolf. I possibly have misjudged the man. He has been more than generous with his time and money, as the Great Depression taxed his own family's fortune. He offered up his palatial estate, "Savoy Hall" on Society Hill in nearby Peepsburg. As accommodations at the hotel were a bit crowded from our growing family. Agnes found the Major's yards a delightful playground. 

As I was designing the new Boathouse for Rose Lake the MG thought it would be fitting to name the bar atop of it after my grandfather. He was a Captain in the Royal Navy. The HMS. Kerfluffle. I was at first aghast, but as I thought about it, grandfather enjoyed a pint or two in his day. But there was certainly no way the MG could have known that or how possibly the Kerfluffle ran aground in Portsmouth after an onboard celebration honoring Queen Victoria. Or could he?

When over a brandy by his study fireplace, I asked him about his British heritage.  He stammered and let out a long sigh, "My good fellow, for you are a nobleman of proper birth, I shall tell you a secret. Well, truthfully, it's not, but I like to call it that.  My mother was an English actress, from a quite prominent family. They did not approve of her chosen profession, or her intended, an American Actor, so she was disinherited. They never spoke to her again. Heartbroken, she immigrated to America. She and my father married and came to settle in New York City where his family and fortune was. There I was born and exposed to the operas of Gilbert and Sullivan. Sharing my mother's love for her homeland, I embraced it with a passion. As my career took off, even at a young age, elder Wolf Relatives looked down on my chosen profession.  To appease them, I took the accent of my mother and made it my own. My elders then could pass me off as a distant cousin. As my career flourished, and after playing the Major General too much acclaim, it became habit, and no one seemed the wiser. The only one's privy to the charade are, Doc Fishington, my special best friend, partner, confidant, et all and JP Marvel. He found out by accident after an especially drunken brawl when we had engaged with some rowdies from Peepsburg, as I seem to curse in American"....

"Be what it may, these days it is what the public expects, no demands. Who am I to disappoint my fans?" He smiled and twisted his mustache, "Oh good sir. If my mother and the Crown had ever discovered some of my adventures, well, let's just say, knighthood would be out of the question. " I laughed at his frankness and was honored to be let in on his history. I leaned into him and said " You are a credit to your mother and the crown. You will always be a countryman to me"

The Major paused again, he rose from his chair and from the Bookcase drew a worn bible. "This was my mothers, the only thing she kept from her past life. He passed it to me and motioned me to open it. An old letter in shaky handwriting was suck in between the pages. "Dearest Elizbeth, " I read, "It is with great distress that we must do this but, you have given us no alternative. I will wish you the best of luck in your chosen profession and your Matrimonial union. But no monies will be forthcoming, as we cannot support either. While, you may be dead to the others, you will always have my heart. My love always, your Grandad, Sir Montague Downtownton"

 I stared at the letter in my hand. "Aunt Elizabeth was your mother? We had been told she died. I am appalled, no horrified, at the actions of my family. I must apologize..." The Major held up his hand. "No apologies Cousin, if I may call you that, it was done before you were born. Sir Montague is our grandfather and the only one that still loved my mother. "   It suddenly came to me, "That is why you suggested his name for the boathouse bar. " He chucked, "I must confess, this is also why I sought you out in London. I wanted to meet family. But I certainly could not drop this on you then. It was my plan to get you here to Rose Lake. To get to know you. To discover what kind of man you were, to discover what kind of man I was.  I was a Downtownton, but had no clue what that was. I apologize for my deception all this time. It is not a scheme or evil plan. No, it's about finding family." The Major sat back in his chair, his hands over his eyes, hiding his distress.  

This news was quite astonishing, I had no response to his grief. The door to the study quietly opened, it was Doc Fishington. He gazed at the MG, now turned away from us, silent. "Ahhh, seems he has confessed all to you, Sir Reginald." He approached the Major and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. The Major slumped a bit, but then recovered his composure. He turned around and stood. He cleared his throat and spoke without the accent.   "If by all this you wish to return to England after the war, you will be compensated for your contributions fully, no questions asked. This confession will never leave this room, you have our word. Your family will not be shamed by my presence in its tree." I stood and in a moment of certainly not British tradition or protocol, hugged the Major General. 

I do not know who was more surprised.

"Well, that went better than expected." Doc smirked, as the Major struggled to break free of my grasp. " Welcome to the family, Stanley Wolf". The Major let out a laugh to calm my nerves. "I say, Cousin," the accent was back with a vengeance. " Shall we tell the misses over tea tomorrow?" 

So, it seems my life in America would include family. One of my choosing. Which was far better gift than any man could ask for.  

 

Rose Lake New Years Eve 1939 or Who dropped the Ball this time?

 "My Glorious Life" The Dirty 30's

I was sitting at my little writing desk paying bills and correspondences. Scribbling away in my horrible cursive, the breeze softly wafted outside of Savoy Terrace, the dressing room house I had built behind the theater. I was not a adept as Jason, who's handwriting was an art form itself. He snuck up behind me not wanting to disturb my train of thought, I had a terrible habit of being distracted quite easily." We should probably start getting ready for tonight, you know how long it takes you" I harrumphed, "Achieving perfection can never be rushed, unless of course, its costing ME money.  Nothing for me to do, but sign my autograph several hundred times. Have you finished your end of the preparations? It seems I am just here paying for them all" I picked up an invoice, "Why are we paying this much for beef? Good Heavens, what does it take to shoot a cow? Chicken would have been sufficient."

Jason looked at me astonished, "Well, Excuse me, Mr Major General Stanley Wolf, it is not I who wanted the best cuts of beef for his guests. I am sure Ponty would have sacrificed a few Water Buffalo from the Zoo instead". 

"Heavens, do not let him hear you say THAT, a few peacocks went missing after last Spring's new chapeau line. Well, I just will not say what I think happened to those poor birds" I was only slightly truthful. I know damn well where they went. "Marvel this chicken tastes off. You best speak to the Chef. We cannot have this kind of thing at the Grand Aubergine." Ponty waved his hand, "I never said it was chicken, I said it was fowl". My eyes widened, "It  certainly is FOWL, Marvel ,what have you done?"

Jason, smirked." We all know what happened ,why are you fussing over feathers. Now put all that way and wash up. I do not care to be late, no need for a grand entrance."

"Oh , and why not?" I only pretended to be miffed for having been called out on such antics I was well know for. "Stuff and Nonsense, I shall get in the tub now." So I tossed off my dressing gown and stepped into the bath, the water already drawn.. "Scrub my back for me?" Subtlety was not my forte.

Jason shook his head, trying not to laugh. "Your back and nothing more. Mind your manners, I can always find another place for this soap."

"My Dear Mr Fishington, Do not threaten me with a good time"

This passage was lifted from Doc Fishington's  account of that night.

We pulled up to the Bruin in the Stutz Bearcat, a bit late, no fault of my own. I blame the soap. I disliked driving the contraption, it was showing its age. The Duesenberg was in the shop, Ponty had driven over a peacock. He had said, "It was an accident." I hardly think so Julius Pierpont, I hardly think so.

Stan just sat there fidgeting. "Do not think for a moment I am opening that door for you. I am NOT your chauffer, your valet or one of your many fans". I caught myself, but Stan snapped back." What in Heavens name? Are you Mad? I was not waiting for you, that is the cause of my trepidation." he pointed across the forecourt of the Bruin. A lone figure leaned on the wall smoking. They approached the car slowly. "In Zeus name , is that ? " I paused. 

"I believe it is, Doctor Fishington" Bart Tete De Tareau was leaning against the fender of the Bearcat. "I see MY car still is in great shape for the age of its owner." Stan through open the door almost knocking Bart to the pavement. "You could of killed me Major, foul play indeed". He chortled.

"YOU Get your filthy hands off MY car and step out of my way. The Doctor and I have things to attend to and you Sir, are not one of them." I jumped out of the car and got to Bart first. For I knew if he threw a punch, Stan with out his spectacles, was  down and out.

"Step away, De Tareau, Your services are not wanted or needed here anymore" I prepared myself for fisticuffs, if the need would arise. I feared it could  be shortly.

"I see you two are still as close as ever, special friends, as it were. Pity if your new investors ever found out. What a shame that would be for Rose Lake, think of the disgrace." Bart puffed on his cigar.

I clenched my teeth and Stan bristled and huffed. "Our relationship in none of YOUR damn business, Bart. What is it you want at so late an hour. Hurry along as I have not the time nor the patience for parlor games."

"All I want is what is due to me" Bart blew his cigar smoke into our faces. Stan coughed violently as he was allergic to smoke at close range, a fact well know to Bart.

"Why you loathsome...." It boiled my blood and I drew back to strike him down. 

"Well, Hello all, my goodness, Bart Titty Tarry Toe, what a pleasant surprise." Ponty arrived out of thin air, in a huge feathered headdress, looking bizarre and spectacular all at the same time.

"Marvel, gay as always aren't you" Bart sneered.

"Why yes, I am quite happy at the moment. Major Wolf and Doc Fishington everyone is waiting for you inside. Go ahead in , Ill park the Bearcat out back. Bart it was lovely to see you. We thought you were incarcerated or on the lamb from the law, you know ,that thing you do so well. Truthfully, I thought you were deceased, the others not so much, but then, you were always dead to me"

Bart reached into his coat ,but Ponty grabbed his arm." Whatever that is you are about to share with us ,I would think twice" from under his hat he pulled a small pistol. "I only need one shot. It should be no surprise to anyone I can pick off a peacock with this, a Stool Pidgeon though, would be a first."

"What do you mean by Stool Pidgeon" Bart was on the defensive now.

"People talk, I listen. Oh look, here they are .The proper authorities are here to take you in. FBI ? I thought so, Welcome to Rose Lake .There is quite the reward, I believe. What will I do with the monies? Hmmm ,I AM to be an Uncle of sorts, maybe the child  will need a new stuffed teddy bear ,a giraffe or a clown?" And with that they handcuffed Bart and led him away.... 

"What in Zeus's named just happened here?" I was baffled. Stan let out a sigh of relief, "Julius Pierpont Marvel ,did you just save our lives?"

Ponty laughed , "Oh god ,NO. Those G men had my back and my front and my... "Ponty !  Again what was happening...and just like that he was off in a flurry of feathers...

I turned to Stan, still unbelieving the events of the past few minutes.

He mustered a smile , "You Sir, were also very brave tonight .I am deeply touched by your regard for me, Jay. Always have been for a long, long time."

"How can you be so calm ,Stan?"

He held up his hand.

"Oh good Heavens , I am quite besides myself, but that would not be a favorable recall of situation now, would it?"

"But how, What? Bart ? Ponty ? The FBI?I was hopelessly confused at this point."

"There's a story to all of this " Stan began, but its merely corroborative detail, intended to give artistic verisimilitude to an otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative."

"STANLEY WOLF DID YOU JUST QUOTE THE MIKADO TO ME?"

So it seems New Years Eve would prove to be even memorable....

"Darling you will be late. The "Uncles" will be expecting you, Go along now , I will be perfectly fine". Sarah Leigh was propped up in bed at the Admiral Suite at the Grand Cocotier. "Look there ,I will be able to see the New Years fireworks over the lake from here." Reginald fussed, "I am conflicted about leaving you alone tonight, when things are very close to happening. What if you need a proper doctor?" Sarah sighed, "The staff is on high alert. I just need to ring and the Midwife will appear and the hotel has a staff doctor. Well, I could go to Peepsburgh and have our child at Major General Hospital."  Reginald sneered, " I will not have our child be born in an American hospital, for heavens sake. A midwife has delivered all the Downtownton's for generations . Our child will be no exception.  And why does that questionable English man have a Medical Facility named after him?  That Fishington cave explorer fellow is a Doctor of the ARTS, not a medical professional. Also, I am not not sure what that Marvel is a Professor of. Millinery? Is there such a thing. I have serious questions, my dear serious questions" Reginald grabbed his coat and hat." I will make an appearance nothing more, these fellows are far too friendly for my likening." He kissed her check and blustered out. " You can come out now" Sarah whispered. "Oh thank, Hatters he is gone" JP appeared out of the closet. "I have not been in one of those for years.. Are you ready to go to Major General Hospital in Peepsburgh?"

Sarah sighed, "Yes, I think it s near time"

"Reggie will be very angry with you", JP pulled Sarah's suitcase from under the bed.

Pish- Tush, Not as angry as I will be if I don not get this baby out of me toot-sweet. Julius , being a woman is not for the faint of heart". Sarah rolled herself out of bed.

JP helped he with her wrap. "So I have heard, my dear ,so I have heard"

Fishingtons account continued.....

"Major General Wolf , Doctor Fishington, greetings on this wonderful New Years Eve Celebration. Wish I could say the same for Europe." Reginald was quite disturbed by the onset of war. "Yes, its quite disturbing to say the least. If there is any way we can assist you and your family , please do not hesitate to ask." The Major shook his hand firmly. I did the same ,Downtownton was not an ally we could afford to lose. We retired to one of the balconies of the Bruin and ordered refreshments. Per usual , The Major wandered of to entertain the guests with Song and Story and I was stuck to entertain a very grumpy Englishman. I should say ANOTHER grumpy Englishman, as the Major could be a handful at any given moment...Sir Reginald seemed distracted, but It was not my place to ask. The impending birth of his heir I am sure was weighing heavy on his mind. "Sir Reginald , I hope your stay so far has been comfortable. We here at Rose Lake appreciate you contributions so far. Your engineering designs are flawless and I do hope you hope you will continue to bless us with your fine work". He gave me a Non-committal nod and quietly sipped his beverage. I found out later , British folks are most uncomfortable with complements ,so my conversation was backfiring, at best. 

Out of the corner of my eye ,I see Stan waving frantically in our direction. Dear Zeus ,what now? I excuse myself and met Stan downstairs. "What is with all the frantic waving of hands? More than usual ,I mean." This is not a parade, Stanley Wolf ,what is going on?" Stan gave me the stink-eye, "Oh are we not the humorous one tonight, best to grab Sir Reginald and head over to Peepsburgh and Major General Hospital. Seems his dear wife is having a baby"

"NOW" Of all the times....

" Hmmm, well... yes, possibly, I know nothing of birthing babies? Now be a dear and  go fetch Sir Reginald ,without too much fuss, of course. Meet me out back, I'll have the Bearcat waiting." Stan turned abruptly to leave.

"Stanley Wolf, YOU are not driving without your spectacles."

"Oh, dash it all then, you drive, I will navigate. I know all the shortcuts." 

"I do not need to be told where to go."

" I will bloody hell tell you where to go"

"Stanley Wolf , you give me grey hair."

"Better grey hair than no hair, I always say" He turned and disappeared into the crowd ... 

Happy New Year! The crowd shouted to us as we made our way to the Bearcat. "Wolf blast it all, where is your chauffeur?" Reginald was shocked to see the Major behind the wheel. "It's his night off, hop in everyone." I began to object, but Stan was having none of it. "Oh, just ride shotgun. You can yell if we are close to hitting anything important." We took off in a cloud of dust. Stan missed most things and I only had to grab the wheel once, alright maybe twice that night. Poor Reginald looked absolutely frightened, but that was the usual reaction from any of Stan's passengers.

"Where in the blazes are you taking me? Sarah is at the Hotel. I demand an answer!" He banged his fist on the seat.

"To Major General Hospital in Peepsburg" Stan shouted over his shoulder , trying to avoid a jackalope in the road. There was a bump.

" I do not think you missed ,it Stan" I shouted.

"Well, here's a howdy do..."

Another bump, "Did you just quote Mikado, AGAIN!"  Reginald grabbed my shoulder and shouted," Why does he have a hospital named after him? How much money does he have?"

"Its only a wing and its along story involving a chorus of nurses...Dear Zues, Hang on Sir Reginald this can be  a tight turn at slow speeds." I braced myself.

"BLODDY HELL , WOLF. Who taught you to drive? I cannot believe this country gave YOU a license!" Reginald grabbed the sides of the car, hanging on for dear life.

"Oh no, my good man".  Stan began, "They took that away years ago. Hang on we're almost there. Quick question, Jason. Are you still required to stop at a red light or is it only a suggestion?" 

SHE arrived at 2:00am Plancovania Central Time. "Agnes Rose Downtownton meet your father and of course, your uncles. " We stood around Sarah beaming. "My dear", Reginald began," You named our daughter after and Amusement Park?" He seemed overwhelmed at best, with all of this. "SHE could have named her after the song" JP piped up and sang under his breath, "Waltzing Mathilda, Waltzing Mathilda, you'll go a waltzing Matilda with me. And she sat as he sang, and he touched her with his billabong..."I elbowed him to stop that nonsense. Stan put in his oar, "Julius, that is not the lyrics to the song. I once did a show in Brisbane..."Dear Zeus, these two...  Sir Reginald seemed nonplussed. "Marvel" he said calmly. "We Downtowntons  are not and never been Australian. Heaven bless me she is a beautiful child."

"She favors her mother, I dare say" Stan fussed with his mustache nervously.

"A worthy heir to the Downtownton name." I added

"She looks Australian to me" This time I kicked Julius in the ankle.

"Owww..Well, come on gentlemen I think its time to leave the new mother and her child to rest. A celebratory drink and cigars are required post haste. I have some fine whiskey hidden in the Saloon for such an occasion." Julius grabbed my arm.

"Its an Ice Cream Shoppe now" I reminded him.

"You say poTATEo, I say PoTAtoe" JP rolled his eyes

"Wait a bit. Is that Moonshine Still actually working?" I couldnt be could it?

"I had no idea, I knew nothing about it. I wasn't there" Stan  wandered off noncommittal.

"Stanley Wolf, Stop quoting the Mikado"

1930.... It's the New Zoo Review ,coming right at you

  From the desk of J.P. Marvel...

As he would later write in his memoirs, Maj. Gen Stanley Wolf was on a 1929 Everglade fishing expedition with his dear and handsome friend, Professor JP Marvel, when alligator leapt from the waters and tried to devour them both.  The major jumped into the swamp and wrestled the alligator unconscious before binding him and dragging it into their pontoon boat.  He wrote of the sheer strength and beauty of the creature and how he wanted to take it with him to Plancovania so that all of Rose Lake's guests could enjoy it's majesty.

Not true," I explained to the Gazette in a 1940 interview.  We were up late drinking one night and decided to go for a swim in my pool.  Stanley jumped in the water without looking only to come face to face with a giant alligator that had wandered in through the open gate.  After I was able to get the Major back down from my roof, we called animal control and they offered to capture the gator and release it back to the wild for $500.   "That is robbery!" declared Stanley.  "At that price I should just put the damn thing in a cage and charge admission!"

The alligator was shipped to Plancovania the next day and the Major began drawing up plans for Peepsburgh's first zoo.

"I don't even know where he eventually found some saltwater crocodiles," I said.  "But on opening day that zoo had one animal:  A Florida alligator." So, we posted his portrait over the exhibit'' 

I present to you THE Major General Stanley Wolf of Peepsburgh and Greater Plancovania in all his glory. 

"Stop saying ''in ALL his glory," the Major scolded me.  "I'm wearing clothes for Christ's sake."

More from Marvels Journals....

As a surprise to no one, the Major General was very hands-on during the design and construction of his new reptile house.  Some of the construction workers noted that he was a little too hands on.  "Make it bigger!  Make it grander!  It might be a house for snakes, but I want to be able to hold my balls in here!"

"But we're already refurbishing the Bruin for your balls sir.  Why would you want to hold them here as well?" asked the foreman.

Silly man!  What kind of man hasn't always wanted to hold two balls at once?  And why are you snickering?"

Well... the MG always liked playing with his snake too... and I guess other people's snakes too.  

Wait, did he mean dances? What are we talking about?

The MG returned to check on the new chandelier at the reptile house, only to find all of the workers running around in circles with their arms flailing in the air, screaming loudly.   "What on earth is going on here?" demanded the Major.

"You said you wanted your portrait to be surrounded by hysteria," explained the foreman.

The major slapped his forehead.  "WISTERIA.  I wanted wisteria."

And you folks wonder why I drink...

One afternoon, Raoul, The MG's private secretary, was on Lady Agnes babysitting duty. He was not amused but, if the MG said jump, you asked how high. He would take her to the Zoo. Perhaps the animals would entertain her. As they approached the Penguin Pool, Agnes became entranced. Raoul thought this would be a good teaching moment for her. He but looked away for a second, only to find her not by his side, but IN the pool with the birds. Aghast, he summoned a keeper. "Get her out of there, Sir Reginald will have my head." The Keeper shook his head. "No worries, she is in there ALL the time. The birds love her. Just don't let her eat the smelt, it upsets her tummy."

The zoo didn't make a lot of money in the first year, what with only having a reptile house and nothing else.  But the Major General did garner some attention in the press via his efforts to "save" a wayward Florida alligator, and it wasn't long before someone stepped forward to offer a pair of Cuvier's Dwarf Caiman's.  "I thought they would make good house pets," said the donor.  "I was wrong about that." The MG did think they were adorable, and agreed to take them in.

I was baffled by this.  "I really thought you hated reptiles, given the volume of your screams from my roof.  Wherever will you keep these things?"

The MG only needed a moment to ponder it.   "We don't really need that ballroom in the basement.  "Holding two balls at once doesn't really seem all that important anymore.  And that swimming pool that I put in for parties doesn't really make a lot of sense given that will NOT be seen in a swimsuit these days."

Whatever the Major wants the Major gets...

The MG researched the new species and determined that they liked to inhabit the dark swamps of South America, which makes one wonder how 2 of them ended up as house pets for some hillbilly in Plancovania.  Their unique needs were accommodated, and the entire basement pool was converted for them.  As fate would have it, the Caiman's were one of each gender, and within a month of being released into their new home the zoo ended up with a total of 6 of them.

"I'm not going down those steps to the lower level anymore," I was sure I would be eaten alive.

"Me either," declared one of the zookeepers as he turned in his notice.

With this latest endeavor, Major Wolf brings Florida swamps to Plancovania" read the headline in the Peepsburgh Gazette.

"How very dare they!" declared Wolf.

"I agree," I said, "This is no swamp.  You built a very elegant and beautiful alligator garden."  

"Oh no, it's totally a swamp.  I mean, how dare they call me 'Major Wolf.'   I am a Major GENERAL!"

There was that time, when the peacocks started to disappear....

"You were running out of feathers to make hats with, weren't you?" asked Wolf.

"Shhh!  Don't tell Fishington.   Don't tell him about all this travertine tile either.  It wasn't in the budget."

"Ponty, are you mad? Everyone knows children will urinate in that pool. They are disgusting vessels of sweat and mucus.  Is there a restroom or bathhouse nearby? Otherwise, our custodians will be fishing excrement logs from that pool. Best to make it a decorative pool, then a public bath. It's a beautiful space, good sir, why desecrate it with the unwashed masses."

 "And if course, the peafowl will chase everyone anyway, so someone is bound to fall in" 

"No one asked your opinion MG, just if you thought it was amazing" I then set the peafowl to chase the MG down the hill....

It was a case of mistaken accent identity, that's all...

It's very impressive," said the MG.   "But did we really need two of them, for a zoo this small?"

I smirked, "You'll have to ask your friend Money Pants,"

"Money Pants?"

"You know, Downtowntowntontontontont---"

"That is NOT how you say his name, and you know it!"

"I most certainly do not know it.  Do I look like I speak Australian?"

The Hot Crossed Buns of Downtownton or and baby make three

 Dear Diary,

There wasn't a good scone to be found. Not here in Plancovania anyway. The cravings were strange at best. This pregnancy had already surprised Reginald, "My god dearest, how did this happen?" What do you mean , how did this happen? YOU were there! The night on the HMS Perambutalor ,the stars were out as we strolled the promenade deck. You told me, I quite fancy you. You said, "I'm off to Bedfordshire." THAT'S how it happened! You my dear, are a knob.  You best pull yourself together if you want to be a good father to this child. Traveling back to Waxbaxford is out of the question, till our child is born, so just add another string to your bow. NOW find me a buttered scone with clotted cream! ". I have never seen Reggie move that  fast... 

My favorite-- Scones with clotted cream

Dear Diary,

As much as I was missing my family terribly, the gentlemen at Rose Lake were bend over backward to assist me. It was terribly flattering and Reggie was having none of it. " What do they know about birthing a child?" He went off one day. " Nothing, I am sure of it, but they at least are trying to make me as feel comfortable as possible. Now go to your rubbish trucks and do what ever it is you do." I was only slightly out of sorts that day. He stopped a moment, "Sarah Leigh,  are sure this is what you want, to have our child born in America?"  I pursed my lips "I want a healthy child. THAT is all I want." Reginald nodded. "Right-o then, we'll stay and make the best of things. The Sanitation Company is taking off and monies are coming in to support this little nugget." As for your scones, I have commissioned a fellow to build us a bakery to supply Rose Lake with the Best British Baked Goods to be had this side of the pond. Since I am the Master of Waxbaxford , I shall call it Master Bakers and the scones named after you, my Sarah Leigh"

Some of the Master Bakers

Dear Diary,

JP Marvel was such the gallant gentleman. The new hats he had gifted to me were beyond description.  Even in my gravitas state, I felt beautiful. He is my closet confidant having no female friends here as of yet. My social calendar was quite limited these days. But he assured me once the child was born, I would be the toast of Peepsburgh. Staying in hotel had became tiresome, but the Major insisted as help would always be available from the women folk employed there.  He graciously offered rooms in his home Savoy Hall, once the child was born. Our own home, Watership Downs, was taking longer to finish with the war beginning and able bodied men in short supply. Mr. Fishington was himself painting a mural for the baby's room in the classic style I enjoyed . So all is well

In one of Marvel's amazing hats

Dear Diary,

This time in America has changed Reggie, He has become more soft spoken and understanding. The constraints of his privileged life were slowly fading away. It was a new start and I was glad of it. The babe was due any day ,according to the midwife, So I prepared best I could with what we had. The Rose Lake 'Uncles" as I called them would send lavish gifts daily, most inappropriate for such a young infant of either gender... The latest was a phonograph with 14 records of all the Major's Gilbert and Sullivan Operettas. That the child might appreciate the works of his or her fellow Englishman. Reggie was only slightly annoyed ,as I played my favorite of Pirates and sang along with the ensemble. "Must I hear the man rattle on even when he is NOT in the room", he blustered one day. "And that accent, just were is he from? He is quite evasive about it and I cannot seems to place it. Its all muddled, he uses the excuse of living here for many years.  AND how old is he? I have Questions, Sarah Leigh , I have questions!" 

Sketch of Watership Downs 

A Fascination with Sanitation or Sir Reginald cleans up

 Marvel's Marvelous Memories 1939

A typical day

What was all well and good on the surface, was not behind the scenes. Rose Lake Park had grown by leaps and bounds the last decade and cleaning up after so many new guest had been a daunting task for the small custodial department. By happenchance, Sir Reginald had his own family Sanitation Company in Baskingstoke, U.K.  How fortunate for the Park, and all of us remaining Founders.

 The Major General certainly wasn't going to pick up trash, "Oh Goodness me, Were these Peasant Folk  born in a barn? . Can they not clean up after themselves?" I shook my head,  "Let me explain, ONE. They are not "Peasant Folk". Its the American Farmers Collective from Parlusiana. TWO. Its their annual Company Picnic at Rose Lake. THREE. That is how farmer's dress these days. FOUR. I will admit that using a waste receptacle is foreign to them but, ..... "

A typical Plancovanian Farmer

"OHHH" The Major had a light bulb moment. "Why did you not say they were foreign?.... Bonjour, Ciao and Buenos Freitas to you" The MG was not grasping the situation at all... I was trying to stop the possibly embarrassing encounter, when Sir Reginald came storming by with a stack of papers in one hand and a very tired croissant in  the other. "What IS the meaning of THIS?" The croissant limped in his hand like an over ripe banana. I stifled a snicker, badly.  

"Sir Reginald," I began, "What is the meaning of ....?"  Oh, good Lord...The Major had started an impromptu concert with the farmers and I was always enlisted to sing chorus responses to his production numbers. I never remembered the words and my vocal technique was non-existent. This also distracted Sir Reggie, who seemed quite appalled, so I was able to dart into the Caverns Gift shop.  Just my luck, Doc Fishington was training New Cavern Tour Guides . I grabbed his arm. "I need help. You have two choices. ONE. Get to the MG before the third verse of , "I am a very Model of a Modern Major General" , or TWO. Find out what has Sir Reggie's knickers in a twist".  JF sighed, "Ponty, He's not wearing knickers..." 

The Newest In Knickers

"ARGGGG! I KNOW THAT! We all do. Someone buy the man a pair of proper American Undergarments...But, that's not what the issue is here. He needs something to do. Sarah Leigh is due any day and he is the worst expectant father in history. Let him take over the Custodial Department and he can start a Sanitation Company like he has in Basilchoke , Barkingwoke... Oh, good god ,whatever that place is called..."

"Basingstoke", I will speak to him. He seems like a pleasant enough fellow." JF, calmly set aside his papers. "Now where is he?" We peered outside to in front of the Ice Cream Parlour , where the Major had bought vanilla cones for all and was launching into "When I was Lad " from HMS Pinafore. Sir Reggie was happily licking away and joining in the chorus responses. At least HE knew the words....

JF casually approached Sir Reggie. "Good day ,sir. Pleasant morning for a refreshment isn't it? " JF could calmly charm a raging bull, if he needed too. I had watched in fascination many times, as he brought the MG down from the rafters, over some misconstrued slight. Sir Reggie turned mid lick, the ice cream now dripped into his beard. I tried really hard to keep a composed face. He seemed oblivious to the drip, which only made me laugh to myself even harder. JF through me a, "don't you dare say anything look". He was justified in doing so as my low humor had already concocted a naughty retort. Somehow I found restraint. I really do not know how...  

oh, dear me

Gentleman, may I have a word with you? Sir Reggie was all 

business now. JF, pointed the way. "Certainly, the Park administration building has our offices. Major Wolf, will you be accompanying us?" The farmers had begun to disburse with the free ice cream, so it appeared the impromptu program had ended. The Major twisted his mustache. "What's this all about? I am a busy man. No time for undo fuss arounds. Sir Reginald, how may we assist you? "  Then he saw the limp croissant still in his hand. "Goodness me ,what in heavens name is THAT? I apologize if we have interrupted your breakfast. I daresay, its a rather unappetizing thing . Wherein did you find it? I would be most embarrassed, because no one here likes anything with a soggy bottom."

Sir Reggie looked as only an educated Englishman could look, with 

an unamused glare. JF always knew when to step in. "Major Wolf, Sir Reginald has here, I believe, a proposition for us. We are in desperate need of a better Custodial department. It so happens his Family's Company is Transportation and Sanitation. Not only do they clean up, but they can tell us where to put it." I ALWAYS amazed me how JF could deliver a zinger and keep a perfectly a straight face. It caught Sir Reggie off guard. "But how did YOU know? I have the proposal right here. JF smiled , "It is MY job to know things. To anticipate problems ,if you will. We are in desperate need of your services and I  would hope you would share your talents with us. We are but novices at this whole Amusement Park business and can always use someone with your expertise and knowledge. Teach us, Sir Reginald , we are but eager pupils" That speech even had the Major at a lose for words and that never happens.

 We all watched for Sir Reggie's reaction. He broke into the biggest smile and his gruff demeanor passed. "Well, well, Gentleman, I may have misjudged you. Not only will I take on that project , in which you desperately need assistance, but see here this inferior product." He held up what was left of the croissant. "Purchased in the adjacent village, this is not quality at all. Even the French would be appalled. Well, of course they are appalled at everything not French . But I digress, I propose to finance a new Bakery for Rose Lake Park, I have been I contact with a pastry Chef ,well know in Europe, but with tensions arising there, wishes to relocate to America. He can bake these and much more, including an old family recipe for proper English scones." 

A typical English Scone with clotted cream

 "Well,  I think its a splendid idea" The Major had always loved pastries. "I have missed the scones I enjoyed back in London. There was this one time at I was at the Savoy , we in rehearsal for Iolanthe, I think..." JF cut him off before the story became a monologue, " Thank you, Sir Reggie , We shall deliver your proposal to our Board of Directors. I see no reason they would not accept it" "But you haven't read it?" Sir Reggie was a bit confused. " I put in my oar, "Oh, reading is so overrated."  JF shot a withering glance in my direction. "What the Professor means is, he rather have a presentation, if you will. Are you available tomorrow ,say one o'clock?  We will provide a late luncheon."

So it seems, we would get a new bakery at the Park and the means to clean up after. Oh, and a free luncheon. One can never pass up a free luncheon. But, I must remind myself to arrive early, as the Major will attempt to manhandle all the fresh fruit that is provided, I prefer my peach fuzz untouched.....

Sir Reginald's First Visit or Where were you when the British came through

 Let me introduce myself... 

Sir Reginald Downtownton

I am Sir Reginald Matthew Downtownton. 12th Baronet of WaxBaxford, and seems I am in a sticky-wicket. That Major General Wolf character, whose regional accent is quite peculiar, had charmed myself  into writing a check. The complimentary box seats for the premier revival of Pirates of Penzance at the Savoy, did not hurt either. That rogue of a Major,( I  use rogue in place of a more appropriate curse), was now off touring Europe in Pirates. He had nary sent word if the monies had been spend on a new trolley or something else entirely.  So it looked like a trip to Rose Lake was in order. 

Downtownton Manor, Basingstoke, WaxBaxford

The Basingstoke Railway and Sanitation company could do without my guidance for the interim.  My new wife, Lady Leigh will accompany  me on the New Steamer HMS. Perambulator, as its modern constructions and speed makes the long journey passably tolerable. So off we will go to the wilds of Plancovania to confront the Rose Lake Improvement Co. and Professor Fishington.

HMS Perambulator

The steamship travel was uneventful,  thankfully. We arrived in New York and promptly boarded the Plancovania Central Railroad to Peesburgh. A car would be waiting to transport us to the Grand Cocotier Hotel, where a Dr Fishington would greet us and ensconce us in the Admiral Suite.

Grand Cocotier Hotel

Well, that was the plan, anyway.

In true American fashion, something went wrong. Numerous times. I can vouch for the sincerest of apologies all round ,but good gracious, what a bungle it was. I will spare you the gross details of our endeavor as they are too many and of topsy-turvy in their nature. Finally in the Suite, which had a faint lingering smell in odd corners we could not identify, we chalked it up to the age of the establishment. 

Tomorrow would be an interesting day, as Dr Fishington said, he had an important discovery he wished to share with us. Little did I know how interesting it would be.

After a bit of confusion and meeting another co founder, (How many were there?) JP Marvel drove us in his Bearcat Coupe to Dr Fishington . An especially chatty and possibly daft hatter ,as he seemed to think we were from Australia. We met the Dr. at the front of his charming little park. The friendly attitude of everyone we met and the cleanliness of the public areas was impressive. I began to change my perception of this being a backwater. He introduced himself and offered an apology that the Major General himself was not here to greet us. He had been delayed in Florida with transporting a new animal for the Rose Lake Zoo. "You have a Zoo  I was shocked, but not truly surprised ." Well Sir, its still in its infancy ,not ready to open to public scrutiny just yet."

Mr Fishington seemed a bit evasive about the project, when I queried several other questions. He said the Major would dispel any doubts I had. I immediately knew to be wary...He gestured in to what seemed to be a gift shop. " The first stop on our tour" He smiled. I was not amused. "It seems trinkets and inexpensive fluff wont pay the bills, Good Sir" " Oh Sir Reginald , its not this shop, its what is underneath it" Leigh looked at me a bit alarmed, like she might have to crawl on her belly like a reptile, to get wherever we were going . She had already suffered Seasickness terribly, on the trip over.

" Good Sir, If you think for the moment a Downtownton  would crawl upon the ground,  you are very well mistaken" Mr Fishington looked at me and burst out laughing. I was incensed. As I turned to go he stopped my with these words. "We discovered a Cavern of the most amazing size and grandeur. A Tour will be given for a modest fee , so people may experience a new wonder of the modern world. This in itself will save Rose Lake from the debt of the Great Depression, I have no doubt." I want to give you and your Lady a personal tour.

The ingenuity of Americans never ceased to amaze me.